9 Dead Gay Guys (2002)

“Have you heard? The Queen’s dead!” an older man in the pub tells Byron (Mackey). And the adventure to find the hordes of cash in Golders Green’s matress — the bread in the bed — begins!

Byron is a self-described lazy bastard, who came to London from Belfast in search of gainful employment; which he has found in the form of performing sexual favours on older gay men to supplement his giro. On this occasion, he is joined by his hometown friend Kenny (Mulhern), newly arrived to the Big Smoke after receiving a letter from Byron that doesn’t tell the whole story of what he does for a living. This is Kenny’s first visit to a gay pub but it’s not his last. In fact, Kenny turns out to be better at this gainful employment lark than Byron; except that Kenny is so talented, he accidentally shags men to death.

Meanwhile, Byron’s work leads him to an encounter with The Desperate Dwarf (Griffiths) with a three-and-a-half inch willie, from whom he liberates the very cattle prod used to kill The Queen (Praed); who, it transpires, became the lover of Golders Green (Godley) because he passed Golders Green’s really hard, really long Red Bull test. The Queen was killed on a Friday evening while Golders Green, an otherwise Orthodox Jew, was at Sabbath Services.

The plot thickens and the dead gay guy count rises, as more people begin to look for the bread in the bed, not least including The Iron Lady (Sharman) and several accomplices, who manage to find the bed but there is no money in it. Then, Kenny remembers …

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